I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
