yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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