His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
