He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
