I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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