Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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