Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
