I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
