break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
