do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
