i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
