She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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