Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
