He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
