so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
