Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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