Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
