woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
