I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
