Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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