No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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