This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My ass is underappreciated
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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