She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
