Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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