Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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