I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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