Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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