oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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