Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
