you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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