Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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