Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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