So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize