paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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