Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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