yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
