he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
