i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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