How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
