Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
