sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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