Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
