Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
