Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
