Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
