So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
