I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
