you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
