All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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