you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
