I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
