youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
