The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
