We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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