So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
