I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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