ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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