She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
