Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your cock deserves a montage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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