It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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