I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a search helicopter?!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
