I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
this will be a night to untag.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm at about main and main street
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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