Where did you get a picture of my penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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