my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
