You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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