So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
