I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
