Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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