he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
