im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
