I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
