two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
